Conversations with Teen Mums

My childhood was patchy and rough. One year we’ll be settled and next year totally different. It was just me, my mum and my sister, cause my dad went to Australia when I was young. Just pretty much watched my mum bring us up on her own. It wasn’t really easy for her, so she just turned to alcohol and parties and stuff. And moving, different schools and men. It was really unstable.
When I first found out I was pregnant I just cried, and cried and cried and cried for hours. I didn’t feel happy because I didn’t know how to raise a child and all that stuff. I was like, ‘How am I supposed to look after a baby when I can’t look after myself? Can’t afford to, and don’t like relying on my mum’. I was young. I felt I wasn’t ready for a baby and to be responsible for a life.
He stopped me from doing all the things that I was doing. Which is good cause I was hanging around with the wrong people and doing the wrong things. I just knew I couldn’t up and leave him, walk the streets at night like I used to.
I found out who my real friends are. When I wasn’t pregnant I had heaps of friends cause I’d steal money off my mum and get food and smokes, everything. They’d always come to me for things. I used to please people more than myself. I saw one friend my whole pregnancy. One friend came out of her way to come see me. I’d see the other girls but it wasn’t planned or nothing, we'd just bump into each other. I just felt like everyone was watching me.
I knew people were judging me saying, ‘She’s going to be a bad mum, won't give a fuck about her baby’. It didn’t really faze me. To me my life just began. I felt like my life was over before I was pregnant. My son, like makes me. He gives me something to live for, to wake up to.
Having Dezaiah has changed my life heaps because he is mine and everything I’m doing is for him. Back then I just cared about myself. Watching him grow up and develop fast has made me realise it’s not just about me.
Before I had my son, I didn’t have any dreams at all. When I thought about what I wanted to be, I would just go blank. I didn’t know what was out there for me. I didn’t care, didn’t have no dreams or hopes to be something. Cause I thought I’d fail anyway.
Now my biggest dream is to have my own house, car. Like a normal, average life for me and my son. But I don’t really want to think ahead. Just live day-by-day, take it one day at a time and continue to make my son proud.