When I was in year seven I became friends with a few year eight girls. And they were just starting to discover alcohol and all that kind of stuff. So me thinking I was cool, you know, hanging out with the older people, I just started smoking and drinking.
One day me and my friends went to a park after school and one of her older cousins bought an eight pack of, I think it was bourbon. We just thought we were cool, you know, and just started having a few cans. And someone must have driven past and seen us drinking in our uniforms. Cause the next day we got called into the office and yeah we all got suspended. I got grounded for maybe two or three weeks. No computer, no outside contact, had to be back home from school by 3.30pm. I used to always stop at the shops and hang out with my friends and stuff but I had to come straight home. Lots of chores as well. They really disciplined me.
When I found out I was pregnant, for the first couple of weeks I was like, ‘I’m going to get an abortion’, and all that. But I went to the clinic and I couldn’t do it. They were just explaining the procedure and my mum was like, ‘She has to do it’. Like, ’Come on, she’s 15’. Like, ‘Come on, are you crazy? Take the baby’. And they’re like, ‘We can’t do it without her consent. It is her choice’. My mum didn’t talk to me for weeks. Weeks. And we were hiding it from my dad.
I got the baby blues. I was settled at home. Maybe he was two weeks old? I had them really bad. I think it was so overwhelming the fact that like for the rest of my life I’m going to be looking after, putting someone else first. It just all hit. And it’s really overwhelming. When you’re pregnant everyone tells you it’s hard, but you think, ‘Yeah, yeah whatever. I can handle it’, because you’re young and naïve. And then it’s a shock. A really big shock. When you’ve got a screaming child that you can’t settle and like all your friends are out having fun.
100% I didn’t have a teenage life. I don’t know what it was like. Ask me what it was like to be young. I don’t know. Cause I was 15. That’s when all my friends started to go out and have fun, all that stuff. And I was at home with baby. It wasn’t until Taylor was a bit older that I started being able to go out for the night and all that.
Sometimes it used to upset me that all my friends were out and I was just at home by myself. But now it doesn’t bother me. I feel like I’ve been put on this planet to be a mother. I’ve come so far. Like I’m so proud of myself and Taylor and what we’ve achieved together that that stuff doesn’t bother me any more. Cause I know what matters in life. Going out on the piss, it’s not that important. I’ve got a beautiful child that I’ve got to bring up and I’ve got an education that I need to pursue and I’ve got dreams and I’ve got goals of where I want to be. So that’s what I focus on. I still get to go out every now and again. It’s fun when I do. But to be honest every time I go out I just want to be home with Taylor. Like I really do.
I didn’t want to be the typical teen mother, or what everyone thinks is the typical teen mother, you know? I want to show everyone that even though having a baby young is a huge setback and it’s such hard work, if you apply yourself and you work for your goals, anything’s possible. If you have the right support, the right head, the right vision, direction of where you want to go, anything is possible. A baby only holds you back if you allow it to. I think that goes with anything in life really. Like everyone goes through stuff and it’s about whether you let it take you off the wagon or not, you know?